When to visit a new mom/new parents?

So someone in your very close family/friends/neighbors have given birth and you are one of the most loving people on this planet who wants to shower love to the newbie in the town! Why not, You were the main host in her Baby shower and you were the one who held her hand during those crazy preg-moments! And you cannot but wait to see the baby finally!

Best time to visit New Parents and the Newborn!

Hold on…Read ahead to know real life experience of a new mom!

Its always very confusing to figure out when to visit the new parents who just had a baby. Let me take you to the flashback to 2013 when #LittleMissK was born. This has been very personal and I haven’t had the courage to share this untill last week when I met some new moms/parents who just had a new baby and 99% of them had the same experience and couldn’t express. So I was rest assured that its not ‘Me’ who was feeling that way. Its just how ever new mother feels and cant express. This fueled me to document my share of feelings and also give a few tips incase you are planning to visit a new baby/parents anytime soon.

  1. Time of Visit : Very important. I very clearly remember that I came into the hospital room tired, sore and excited to see my baby as I had a C-Sec and have not had the skin-to-skin post birth. I was transferred to my bed – a could get a glimpse of my baby girl in the crib near me. I wanted to hold her immediately but had no strength as I was very sore. Within next 15 minutes I could hear loud chatter and excitement of family members in the suite and the baby was in their arms! I lost it as there were a bundle of emotions within me but I couldn’t express or as my mother said – I did express!
    1. So if you planning to visit a newborn/new mom – please please please avoid the hospital visits. Yes, the new parents will understand and your love will not go unaccounted. Leave a text, drop a call or send out flowers/cards/chocs with a personal note. The newborn and the mother are the real stars of the day and they need the time in the hospital to themselves. The new dad needs the time to himself to digest that he is now a grown up who needs to look after a newborn!
    2. Ideal time to visit a new baby house is around 6-8 weeks post the birth. The baby will be stronger to meet you, will also have antibodies for this rough world and the new mama wont be so sore like me and you wouldn’t be the guest being shouted upon. (I think I did that)
    3. Be understanding if the new mother tells you that she doesn’t want to be visited currently. Respect the individual – she held 10lbs in her tummy for 40 odd weeks and after a nightmarish labor gave birth to her bundle of joy. She really needs the space to settle her emotions, her hormones and all her #newmomwoes.
  2. How to meet : I am not suggesting taking appointments but no surprise drop ins please. I have had so many un-expected drop ins that at a moment I had asked my parents to put a DND sign right outside my room and yes, I didn’t meet them all. I was scared and dreaded of the stitches breaking off if I get up often, I looked so sore with lack of sleep and didn’t think I looked like a new mom but a mess and so I had no desire to meet anyone I did not wanted to. Make sure you call the new parents/mother/family to check on how are things? can you make a visit in the evening? and what are the timings suitable etc.? REFRAIN from pop-ins always.
    1. As you avoid the sudden surprise drop ins, you can actually see a very happy mother and a well rested baby – trust the instinct of the mother when she tells you about how chirpy the baby is at certain time of the day.
    1. Having a baby is sheer hard-work and she has done it all. So if you give her the authority to decide when to meet – you will enjoy the real perks of meeting the same best friend whose hand you held when she was pregnant.
    2. Make her (new mom) feel as a star and check on if she needs any coffee/savory she could be craving for – you could pick up on the way.
  3. During the visit: I could write a book on To-Dos and Not-To-Dos when you visit a new born. I have witnessed it myself and seen these situations when I visited new born/new moms. Guys, lets understand – Self discipline is a virtue and treat the new born as you would treat your own. In Asian culture every visitor will want to hug, hold and rock the baby. As much as you want to say no, this will happen. In case you are one of us, please help share this article so that we all bring in the awareness of how important the postpartum visit is for the new mom. I have witnessed that North American culture is very restrictive and will give the space to the mother – however humans will be humans and a new baby is a little bundle of joy which everyone wants to hold, hug and take a dig into the new baby scent. So read on guys and try to inculcate this in your next newborn visit.
    1. Touch – is very important, please DONOT Touch the newborn without asking the mother. Better will be, dont even ask to touch. If she is comfortable to share, she will let you know herself. Trust me, it gives so much of a relief to the sore mom who has all her guards suddenly alert post birth.
    2. Kiss-NO! – Its very hard, I know it well. But just avoid the temptation please. This could lead some never-ending arguments in the mind of new mother.
    3. Sanitize – wash your hands when you think you want to pick up the baby from the crib, also sanitize (its always thoughtful if you can carry your own hand-sanitizer . Newborns’ houses usually a mess and the mother will love you for this small gesture.)
    4. Germs – Avoid the visit if you, family members have had or have slightest of sickness (cold, nausea, cough) – you might feel ok, but you need to know the newborn is still to get acclimatized herself to the new world. AVOID is the key.
    5. Gifts – Not mandatory, but if you are willing get some Non-Baby items like some Epsom salts, Nipple butters, Chocolates, Nice spill-free mugs and the best could be if you can carry food for the entire family. They would love you for the rest of the life. But don’t stay to eat that food. Lolz!
    6. Questions – Its always good to think before you speak. New mom who has given birth has a helluva of hormones all over her mind and body. She is hell tired to think straight. She could be an extrovert when you knew her and today she doesnt want to talk about anything else. So mind the change and ask very selective questions and please avoid any PARENTING ADVICE. Though I write this blog for the parents to be, new parents and old parents. But I avoid the advicing until asked for. Unsolicited advice is a strict no-no until the new parents asks you for help.
  4. Postpartum anxiety and depression are REAL! – So be mindful of these and if you have experienced it aswell, you should be the one filled with empathy. Believe me, Not ever mother who gave birth connects immediately with the new born. I didn’t. Yes, I had waited all 40 weeks to see her face, but then in first few weeks of nursing, the stitches and so much going around me – I can clearly say that I was very very afraid to tell that I was not having an instant MOM-FEELING post birth. It took me few weeks to months to get that eternal connection established. Today I know I had to battle silently the postpartum depression without knowing what it is? Sometimes the visitors asking me questions as simple as – ‘Isnt it awesome to be a mom!’ made me feel like a guilty person as I didnt feel awesome and went deep diving whats wrong with me in my never-ending thoughts.
  5. Exit please – She wont say, you need to go but! If you followed all the above tips and were a real good visitor to the new parents, dont forget the most important part – Short and sweet visits are loved by new mom. Leave sooner than planned, donot overstay your visit even if she requests you to.

I know this can be overwhemling for a visit however to create that environment around the new parents is really important if you are their friends and family. This article of mine only aims to bring in awareness around us to help co-create the environment where new parents/new moms can feel connection to their own self and donot worry about how their new born will be post the visit of a stranger!

If you like this, please share with others and also let me know you thoughts , feelings or any tips that can be added to this article.

Until then, keep the sanity in check Parents!



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